


slow, slow

by tokiwas



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Developing Relationship, M/M, Post-Canon, ushiten if u squint
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-03 01:14:55
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,131
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24026452
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/tokiwas/pseuds/tokiwas
Summary: "Semi Eita and his heart of gold. Always looking out for someone else.But Shirabu is a careful person, and doesn’t need to be taken care of."
Relationships: Semi Eita/Shirabu Kenjirou
Comments: 22
Kudos: 235





	slow, slow

Semi had confessed to him the day after Spring High Qualifiers.

They were worn out and freshly showered after the hundred serves, and they were the only ones in the dressing room. Everyone had already left, save for Yamagata and Oohira, who were still in the gym, talking to Coach Washijou about their future. Semi had closed the dressing room door, shutting out the rest of the world, and confessed.

“I like you,” he had said, red-faced and determined. “You may be an uncute junior, but I like you. I like the Shirabu who works hard, regardless of what everyone else thinks.”

Shirabu had blinked at him, taken aback at the confession. He asked for time to give his answer.

“You can take your time,” Semi told him, smiling. “I can wait.”

He opened the the dressing room door again, and went off to talk to Coach Washijou. Staring at the three third years, Shirabu had thought about the words “time” and “wait” and “future”.

**

To say that Shirabu doesn’t like Semi is a lie. Despite how naggy Semi is, Shirabu admires him a lot, and appreciates his kindness.

And so, he gives Semi his answer the next day. He approaches Semi at the end of the school period, behind the volleyball gym, and returns the confession.

“If Semi-san is willing to accept me,” Shirabu says. “Then I want to give it a shot.”

Semi’s eyes widen. Before he can say anything, Shirabu cuts to the most important part of his answer.

“I want it to be casual,” he says. “I don’t want anything intense. I want to take our time.”

Semi seems surprised at the request. Shirabu knows, relationships before graduation are usually whirlwind romances that barely last. But Semi doesn’t say anything to counter the request. Instead he composes himself, and smiles.

“I’m glad,” he says, and takes Shirabu’s hand. “Thank you, Shirabu.”

Shirabu blushes at Semi’s expression, his heart racing at the warmth of Semi’s hand holding his.

**

The first few days pass with barely any change in routine. The only difference is that they have lunch break together more often, and Semi walks Shirabu to the volleyball gym in the evening. Shirabu won’t admit it, but it’s nice to see Semi wait outside his classroom for him after class.

Then – Semi takes Shirabu out on a date. It’s the weekend, and volleyball practice had ended early. They go to the nearby shopping district, and they have conveyor-belt sushi. Shirabu watches Semi’s face light up at the sight of tuna rolls reaching their table, and reminds himself to be careful.

There’s a reason for his request – to take it slow. If they run headfirst into things, if they jump straight into a full-blown relationship-

Well, Shirabu’s not one for passionate romances anyway.

It’s completely dark once they leave the restaurant, and the weather is freezing. Shirabu buries himself into his jacket as they walk through the cold winter air, back to the school grounds.

“Shirabu, are you cold?” Semi asks. “If you’d like, you can borrow my scarf.”

Shirabu shakes his head, shoving his hands into his pockets. It’s chilly, but he had the sense to wear an extra layer of clothing, and so he’s quite alright.

“It’s alright, Semi-san,” he replies. “I can manage.”

“Okay then,” Semi says, nodding approvingly. The two of them spot Tendou heading out of the school gate, wearing a jumper which Shirabu recognises as one of Ushijima’s. Immediately, Semi storms right up to him.

“Tendou, you idiot! I told you to put on a jacket when you go outside, didn’t I?!”

“If Luffy can go around with his shirt unbuttoned, then I can brave the elements too!” Tendou crows, and sneezes immediately, ruining his valiant speech. Semi shrugs off his jacket and puts it around Tendou’s shoulders.

“Here, you stubborn pirate. Take this!”

Somehow, watching Semi give his jacket to Tendou sends a spark of irritation running through Shirabu. It’s not like he hasn’t seen Semi do this before – Semi has given his jacket to his juniors multiple times before. It’s just that – he’s always so motherly and naggy, it’s kind of annoying it see it every day.

“Thanks for the jacket, Semi-Semi!” Tendou says, pulling the jacket on and burying happily into the warmth. Shirabu clicks his tongue under his breath. Tendou Satori, always one with the dramatics.

“Geez, make sure you bring warm clothes when you’re going out in the cold!” Semi sighs. “I’m going inside, it’s freezing! And don’t call me Semi-Semi!”

As Shirabu and Semi turn to head inside, Tendou’s eyes catch Shirabu’s, and his happy smile morphs into a rather sly grin.

“Kenjirou,” he says, voice dripping with false sweetness. “If you keep staring at me like that, I’m going to have a hole burnt through my shoulder.”

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” Shirabu mutters.

“If you say so!” Tendou chirps in reply, huddling deeper into Semi’s coat. Hidden within the depths of his pockets, Shirabu clenches his fingers into fists. “Wow, Eita-kun’s jacket is so warm!”

Later in the common room, when Semi has gone to take a shower, Tendou, back from the convenience store with Weekly Shonen Jump, gushes to Ushijima about what a lifesaver Semi was. Oohira immediately chastises Tendou for not wearing a coat outside, with Shirabu watching the scene impassively. It serves Tendou right.

“Ah, Kenjirou.” Tendou catches Shirabu as he’s heading back to his room, and hands him Semi’s jacket. “Pass this back to Eita-kun for me?”

Shirabu stares at the coat in his arms. It smells like the detergent Semi uses, but it also has the light scent of Tendou’s body spray. Somehow, the thought of it pisses him off, and he shoves the coat into Semi’s hands coldly when he visits the third years’ section of the dorms.

**

Due to exams approaching, most of Semi and Shirabu’s dates end up being study dates at the communal area. It’s not much – they usually just share notes, and Semi brings a blanket to wrap over their laps when the room gets too cold. Many a time, other members of the volleyball club join their table, but mostly they leave the two of them alone, focusing on their own work.

On one of the days, Semi and Shirabu are joined by Ushijima and Yamagata, and the table is quiet as they study through the night. At some point, Yamagata falls asleep at the table, but it’s a common occurrence – he usually takes power naps whenever he studies, and so Shirabu continues his work without any comment.

“Are you tired?” Semi asks Shirabu. “It’s kind of late.”

“No, I’m fine,” Shirabu replies, intent on finishing the topic he’s focusing on – he’s been struggling to comprehend it for the past few days, and he’s finally made a breakthrough.

After midnight, Shirabu goes to fetch his and Semi’s coffee from the vending machine – it’s his treat this time. When he returns, he finds Ushijima fast asleep, head hidden in his book. Ushijima isn’t like Yamagata – he never takes naps at his desk. Shirabu’s heart flutters slightly at the rare sight of Ushijima being this vulnerable.

“Wakatoshi,” Semi calls in a low voice, going around the table and patting Ushijima’s back. “Wake up. Enough studying for you today, go and sleep.”

Seeing Semi touch Ushijima makes Shirabu bite his lip in annoyance. He could never dream of touching Ushijima so casually. He puts the coffee cups on the table, and glares angrily at his notes, ignoring Semi’s quiet attemps to wake Ushijima.

Eventually, Semi manages to get Ushijima up, and walks him back to the dorms. When Yamagata wakes from his power nap, he notices Shirabu fuming into his book, and snorts.

“Don’t furrow your brow so much,” he laughs sleepily. “Let me guess – Eita’s gone to send Wakatoshi to his room?”

“I just think Semi-san doesn’t need to treat Ushijima-san like he’s a kid,” Shirabu says, under his breath. “It’s insulting to Ushijima-san. He’s a perfect adult.”

Yamagata blinks at him.

“Okay,” he says. “This is weird. I don’t know whether you’re jealous of Eita or Wakatoshi.”

“I’m not jealous,” Shirabu replies shortly. Yamagata simply chuckles, and they say nothing more about it. When Semi returns, the coffee has gone cold, but Shirabu doesn’t care.

**

They scratch the surface of what lovers do.

They walk back and forth from the dorms together. They go to the shopping district together. They visit each other’s rooms more often than not. Just before Christmas break, Semi takes away Shirabu’s first kiss.

Despite all that, Shirabu knows, they’re considered terribly mild.

He had set the boundaries of their relationship. And yet, he wonders whether Semi is bored, whether he wants anything more. But Semi never pushes for anything. He always asks first, asks, asks, asks.

Semi Eita and his heart of gold. Always looking out for someone else.

But Shirabu is a careful person, and doesn’t need to be taken care of.

(Because if Semi ever asks, and Shirabu says yes, he will-)

**

Despite the busy schedule, a number of the third years still find time to go for volleyball club practice – some to unwind from the stress of studying, and some with the ulterior motive of asking Coach Washijou for recommendation letters for their university applications. Most of the time, it’s Semi and Yamagata, to make sure the juniors are doing well; other times, Tendou and Oohira join, and Ushijima comes along once in a while.

Usually the third years play against the first and second years, but sometimes, they switch the teams up. It’s almost like stress relief when Shirabu gets to pair up with Ushijima again – he can just toss the ball up into the air, without thinking about anything, and Ushijima will blast it through the blocks without any problem.

Well – it’s almost like stress relief, until Kawanishi manages to one-touch the devastating spike, and breaks a nail in the process. The hiss of pain from Kawanishi immediately halts practice, and Coach Saitou runs up with the first aid kit. Semi, the player closest to Kawanishi, starts to assess the damage. The injury isn’t serious, but Kawanishi’s finger is bleeding.

“Ugh, I thought I did my nails properly,” Kawanishi grumbles. “This is annoying.”

“You didn’t cut them short enough,” Semi chastises him. Coach Saitou moves the two of them to the side of the gym, where Semi treats Kawanishi’s injury carefully. From the other side of the net, Shirabu grits his teeth.

Once the injury is taped up, Semi gets up to head back into the game.

“Thanks, Semi-san,” Kawanishi says blankly, with a mock salute.

“Your words and expression really don’t match,” Semi laughs, and ruffles Kawanishi’s hair. Shirabu has half a mind to go for a two-attack once the game starts again, just to annoy Semi.

The match continues without a hitch, and Shirabu pulls off the two, much to Semi’s chagrin. By the end, Ushijima’s team wins, and Shirabu suppresses a smug smirk watching Kawanishi’s team get scolded by Coach Washijou.

Later, while they’re changing into their school uniforms, Kawanishi approaches Shirabu, in the midst of fixing his tie.

“I’m sorry about earlier,” he says, not sounding sorry at all. Shirabu knows Kawanishi well enough to know that Kawanishi is teasing him.

“Sorry about what?”

“I could hear you fuming when Semi-san taped up my finger,” Kawanishi replies. “I guess you were pissed that your boyfriend was fussing over someone else? Or something.”

“No, I wasn’t,” Shirabu says crossly, slamming the locker door shut. “Semi-san is always fussing over everyone. Why would you be special?”

“Yes, yes,” Kawanishi says breezily. Shirabu huffs at him, and they walk side by side back to class together without another word.

**

No, Shirabu isn’t jealous.

Semi has always been nice to his teammates. Him dating Shirabu doesn’t change anything. Shirabu isn’t some clingy lover who expects Semi to pay attention to him and only him. He said it himself – he just wants a casual relationship. He doesn’t need a doting boyfriend who fawns on him any time of the day.

So it’s fine that Semi goes to take care of all the other club members. Because Shirabu doesn’t care. Because Shirabu doesn’t need to be taken care of.

(Because if Semi treats him like that, if Semi takes care of him like that, Shirabu will-)

**

The temperature drops as the days go by, and it’s prime time for students to fall sick. Coach Washijou orders cold-stricken students to leave practice at least once a day. Shirabu understands their feelings, though – everyone is desperate to make up for the absence of their reliable seniors, and to avenge their failures of the school in the Spring High Qualifiers. It’s no wonder they’re pushing themselves to the bone.

Unfortunately, no one is immune to a cold bug – not even the future ace. Goshiki shows up to Saturday practice pale-faced and sweating. Upon his appearance at the gym entrance, Shirabu immediately gives him a death glare and orders him to leave. There’s no way Goshiki is doing his usual hundred jump serves when he looks like he’s about to collapse at any moment.

“I’m fine!” Goshiki insists, voice muffled through his face mask. “I’ve taken some medicine, it’ll be fine!”

“You’re not entering this gym,” Shirabu sneers. “Ushijima-san has _never_ shown up to practice sick. You want to compete with him in this regard, too? Well let me tell you, you’re already losing the battle.”

“If I miss practice, I’ll fall behind Ushijima-san anyway!” Goshiki pleads. “Please, Shirabu-san!”

Shirabu wants to kick him. He thought Goshiki had matured after the training camp, but it seems he’s still an idiot hung up about non-existent rivalry. Before he can give another lecture, he notices Semi and Oohira, passing by the gym after a morning run.

“Morning!” Oohira says, before noticing the standoff between Shirabu and Goshiki. “What’s going on?”

“Goshiki’s sick, but he’s come for practice,” Kawanishi explains, with a yawn. “Kenjirou’s not letting him in.”

“Tsutomu,” Semi says. “Shirabu is right. You can’t practice like this. Go back to the dorms and rest.”

Goshiki tears up immediately at Semi’s advice, causing the third years to flinch. Shirabu wonders whether it’s the illness that’s affecting Goshiki’s emotions, but at the same time Goshiki has always been a big crybaby, so it’s hard to tell.

“I can’t skip practice,” the first year whimpers. “Ushijima-san passed me the title of Ace. I have to live up to his expectations!”

Immediately, Semi puts his arm around him. It’s a pretty common sight, Semi comforting his juniors like this, but somehow, with all the tension in the air, it makes Shirabu furious.

“You can’t surpass Wakatoshi if you’re sick,” Semi says kindly. “Go back and rest, and once you’re in your best condition, you can practice again, and work on being the Ace.”

“Eita is right, Tsutomu,” Oohira adds, patting Goshiki’s head. “Keeping well is one of the responsibilities of being an Ace, you know? Your health is important.”

Goshiki lets out a sniffle, and nods into Semi’s shoulder. Everything about the entire situation – Goshiki being stupid and coming to practice, Semi being so nice and kind to him – it’s so fucking _infuriating_. Shirabu storms back into the gym, going to set up the netting without another word. From behind, he hears someone coming up to him.

“Reon’s taking Tsutomu back to the dorms,” Semi’s voice says, and Shirabu feels a warm hand on his back. “You alright?”

Shirabu simply shakes him off, and continues to set up the gym, pretending not to notice Semi’s eyes on him the entire time.

**

Later in the dorms, Shirabu sulks in his room alone. Kawanishi has gone to check on Goshiki, and no doubt Semi has gone too.

He can’t deny that he’s been terrible to Semi as a lover. With or without the conditions Shirabu gave Semi, he’s definitely acting unfairly – pushing Semi away whenever he gets too close, getting angry when Semi fawns over someone else.

Maybe Semi will get bored of him and dump him. Better sooner than later, right?

Because if he gets too close, Shirabu will-

The door opens, snapping Shirabu out of his moody thoughts. Semi enters, with a packet of pudding.

“Hey,” he says, giving Shirabu a small smile. Shirabu nods in greeting. “Wakatoshi bought pudding for everyone. I thought you’d like some.”

Shirabu just gives him another nod, refusing to say anything. He knows he’s being petty, but the sight of Goshiki’s head against Semi’s shoulder is imprinted into his brain, and it’s pissing him off. Semi’s eyes take on a concerned expression, and he takes a step closer towards the bed.

“Did I do something wrong?” he asks. Shirabu shakes his head.

“You didn’t do anything wrong, Semi-san,” he replies. “How’s Goshiki? You went to visit him, didn’t you?”

He can’t keep the spite out of his last question. Even Semi seems to notice it, as his eyes widen, and he frowns.

“Is that what this is all about?” he asks. “You’re mad that I went to visit Goshiki?”

“No, I’m not mad,” Shirabu answers, voice clipped. “You’ve always been like this, Semi-san. You’re always looking after everyone. You’re always caring about everyone. I’m not going to be angry just because you do what you always do.”

He expects Semi to back off after the answer. But instead, Semi’s face hardens, and he steps towards the bed, sitting at the edge so that his eyes can meet Shirabu’s.

“If that’s the case, why the hell do you keep pushing me away, then?” he asks, sounding angry. Shirabu flinches at his words.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about.”

“You do,” Semi replies firmly. “The whole time since we’ve started dating, whenever I reach a certain point, you draw back. Everything’s fine and good, until I ask you if you’re okay, or whether you need help, or whether you want me to do something for you, and then you close off. But every time I do the same with someone else, you get pissed off. What the hell is up with that?”

Shirabu clicks his tongue, and gets up to leave, but Semi catches hold of his wrist before he can stand up from the bed, eyes fixed on him with a steady stare.

“What do you want me to do?” Shirabu asks him icily. “You want me to be some person who clings to you and asks you for things the entire time?”

“No, I don’t!” Semi snaps, his voice rising. “I just want you to be honest with me. That’s all I want! If you’re cold, or if you’re tired, just say so! We’re dating, aren’t we? I want to take care of you.”

“I’m sorry if you wanted a needy lover who wants to be fussed over every second of the day,” Shirabu says bitterly, trying to free himself from Semi’s grip. “But I’m not that kind of person. Feel free to fuss over Goshiki or Tendou-san or whoever you’d like. I don’t _care_.”

Semi shakes his head, and tugs at Shirabu’s wrist.

“We’re _dating_ , Shirabu,” he says, a pained expression on his face. “I just don’t get it. What’s so wrong about me taking care of you? Isn’t it natural?”

Stupid, stupid Semi Eita and his heart of gold. He’ll never, ever fucking understand.

“I told you from the very beginning,” Shirabu tells him sharply. “I told you I wanted a casual relationship.”

“I know!” Semi runs a hand through his hair, sounding frustrated. “But you don’t even let me treat you like how I treat the others! It’s even less than casual!”

“If I let you take care of me, I’ll get too attached to it, and I’m going to hate it once you graduate!” Shirabu snaps, before realising he’s blurted out the truth.

It’s the first time he’s ever admitted it out loud, and now that it’s out in the open, it hurts a lot more. Semi takes a slow breath, and Shirabu takes his cue to shake off Semi’s fingers around his wrist.

So much for not being a needy lover. So much for not wanting Semi to take care of him. Shirabu is an eternal walking contradiction. He shoves his fingers into his pockets, and stares at the sheets.

Semi doesn’t speak for a long while, and Shirabu wonders whether he’s finally pushed Semi to the limit, whether he’s wasted Semi’s time from the day he confessed up until now. But when he finally gathers the courage to look up, Semi is smiling.

“Shirabu,” he says, opening his palms, arms spread wide. “Come here.”

Is he an idiot? Did he not listen to what Shirabu just said? Shirabu glares at him.

“Come here,” Semi repeats, smile softening. “I’m not graduating just yet. Come here.”

Shirabu doesn’t want to, but Semi has that ridiculous smile on his face, and he can’t say no to that. He inches forward, and Semi wraps his arms around him.

It’s not the first hug they’ve had, not at all. But when Shirabu tries to pull away, Semi tightens his hold, not letting him escape. He starts to rub Shirabu’s back gently.

This. This is what Shirabu has been trying to avoid the whole time. If Semi continues, Shirabu will-

“It’s okay, Shirabu,” Semi says quietly. “It’s okay. I’m not gonna break up with you once I graduate, okay?”

He had been careful, so careful to avoid this. To avoid being attached to Semi, to avoid the hollow feeling of missing Semi once he graduates. To avoid the constant longing, the want to be held and taken care of. But Semi Eita and his heart of gold had fucked everything up.

“Shut the fuck up,” Shirabu hisses, voice trembling. “This is exactly why I didn’t want to do this, fuck-“

“Shirabu?”

“This is why I asked to take it slow,” Shirabu chokes out, tears blinding his vision. “I wanted to get used to the distance before anything else, you idiot. But now I fucking _can’t_.”

Semi just laughs in his fond, fond way, and strokes Shirabu’s hair.

“It’s not like we won’t ever see each other again,” he says. “I’ll come and visit you every weekend, and we can text and call, too.”

“It’s not the same,” Shirabu cries, finally breaking down, and Semi comforts him, tells him it’s okay, listens to Shirabu spill out the same words, again and again. _I’m sorry. I like you. Semi-san, I don’t know what I’ll do without you._

**

Semi fusses over Shirabu for the rest of the day. They spend the whole time wrapped up in Shirabu’s blankets, Shirabu latching onto Semi like a koala hugging a tree. Semi even feeds Shirabu pudding. It’s – nice, to be taken care of.

“I know it’ll be lonely once I move out,” Semi says. “But won’t you feel a lot better if you told me, instead of keeping it to yourself? I won’t laugh at you.”

Shirabu has to admit, he feels a lot better now. It’s rather relieving to not be so careful anymore.

“Also, I’ll be lonely too,” Semi mumbles, pouting slightly. “So it kind of sucks that I wanna spend my time left doting on my boyfriend and making him happy, but he pushes me away.”

Shirabu looks away guiltily.

“I’m sorry,” he says meekly. Semi notices his expression, and laughs, ruffling his hair.

“It’s okay,” he replies, resting his cheek against Shirabu’s head. If Shirabu were a cat, he thinks he might start purring. “I just want you to be honest with me. I don’t need you to be clingy or whatever, but just let me know if you need something. That’s all I want.”

 _Stupid Semi-san and his heart of gold_.

Shirabu can’t say no to him.

“Okay,” he says, burrowing closer into Semi’s warmth. He can’t promise that he’ll be absolutely upfront and earnest – there’s no way he can be that embarrassing. But he’ll try and be a little bit more honest now. He owes that to Semi, at least. And – he needs to reciprocate, too.

Pushing away his embarrassment, Shirabu looks up at Semi, and speaks.

“Semi-san, you should tell me if you need anything, too. I want to take care of Semi-san, too.”

Semi blinks in surprise, and lets out a laugh.

“If Shirabu says so, how can I refuse?”

The room goes quiet, Semi with his eyes shut, as if deep in thought. Shirabu watches him carefully, wondering what he wants, until Semi opens his eyes, and finally speaks again.

“I think I know what I want now,” he grins. “Why not you give me a kiss?”

_Stupid Semi-san. He definitely planned this._

Even so, Shirabu moves forward, and gives Semi what he wants.

**Author's Note:**

> this is one of the most self-indulgent things ive ever written. lol


End file.
